You can’t get through life without accidentally saying something hurtful, harmful, or just out of pocket. There are plenty of scenarios that stop us from thinking before we speak, or sometimes we’re simply misunderstood, malice read in our tone when none was intended. If these issues can be talked out, they can be clarified, but most people don’t want to push, instead letting the hurt rest and fester.
This is perhaps most commonly seen with couples, where one half says something hurtful, and the other thinks it’s easier not to address it at all. That hurt can come in many forms, too.
Don’t let one simple argument or misunderstanding end everything you’ve worked for.
Our Vocal Strength
Words are a powerful thing. They can both build bridges and burn them, uplift people or put them down. The intent and meaning you put behind your words are what drive your life, and especially your relationships, forward.
This is even more true when it comes to romantic relationships, namely marriages. It’s a trope at this point that husbands, often yet unintentionally, say things that can infuriate their wives, and though these careless comments may seem harmless, they can cause a lot of strife between a couple. Here are just a few examples of careless things husbands say that do nothing but infuriate their wives.
“You’re Overreacting, It’s Not a Big Deal”
When a husband dismisses his wife’s feelings by telling her she’s overreacting, all it does is invalidates her emotions. It sends a message that her feelings are not important, worthy, or justified. This can leave her feeling misunderstood and unsupported, something a husband should never make his wife feel.
Moreover, labeling her reaction as an overreaction can escalate the situation rather than defuse it. It makes the wife feel belittled and unappreciated, causing resentment to build over time. No good ever comes from telling someone they’re overreacting.
“Calm Down, You’re Being Emotional”
Telling a woman to calm down when she is visibly upset is like pouring gasoline on a fire. It minimizes her feelings and implies that her emotional response is irrational, which creates a similar feeling as the previous entry. Any sort of phrase that suggests your wife’s feelings aren’t ‘correct’ will only serve to stoke the flames.
Furthermore, this phrase can come off as condescending, making her feel patronized. No one’s emotions deserve to be put down, even if others do think it’s a bit much. The way people feel about things isn’t up for debate.
“You’re Always Nagging Me”
Labeling your wife’s reminders, requests, or worries as nagging can be incredibly frustrating for her. It shuts down her attempts to communicate and address any issues, making her feel unheard, unappreciated, and isolated. This creates a breakdown in communication and a lot of tension between you two.
Instead of viewing her concerns as nagging, try to understand the underlying issues she’s trying to address. If she is genuinely nagging too much, then you need to bring it up. No improvements can be made without conversation.
“You Spend Too Much Money”
Criticizing your wife’s spending habits can be a sensitive topic, especially if it’s done in a dismissive or accusatory manner. It can make her feel judged and controlled. If money is a real concern between you two or her spending is worrying you, you need to be able to approach that topic without sounding aggressive.
Financial discussions should be handled with mutual respect and understanding. Instead of criticizing, it’s more productive to have an open conversation about financial goals and priorities together.
“My Mom Never Did It That Way”
Comparing your wife to your mother is a surefire way to start a fight. It implies that she’s not good enough, that your mother’s way of doing things is superior, and that you think of them in the same fashion, which many women resent. This can create a sense of inadequacy, yes, but also competition. Your wife should never be competing with your mother for anything, especially not your affection.
Not to mention that such comparisons can undermine all her efforts and contributions in the relationship. Every person has their unique way of doing things, you should never want your wife to be an exact copy of the woman who raised you.
“You’re Just Like Your Mother”
On the opposite side of the previous entry, this phrase suggests that your wife is too much like her own mother rather than not being enough like yours. This can be particularly infuriating if the relationship between the wife and her mother is strained. It’ll feel like an attack on her character, suggesting that she’s inherited her mother’s more negative traits.
Instead of making such comparisons, it’s more productive to address the specific behavior that is causing concern. Your wife is her own person, you shouldn’t be trying to change her via comparisons to either her or your own mother.
“I Don’t See What the Big Deal Is”
Dismissing something that’s clearly important to your wife only serves to make her feel like you don’t care about her. It suggests that her concerns, interests, ideas, or excitement are trivial and unworthy of your attention simply because you don’t care for them.
Something shouldn’t have to pertain to you directly or catch your attention to be important. Your wife’s unique interests and feelings matter to her, and they should matter to you based on that alone. If it’s a big deal to her, there’s clearly a reason, so talk to her about it!
“You Should Have Known Better”
This phrase can be incredibly hurtful, as it implies that your wife has failed or made a mistake. And hey, sometimes that’s true; none of us are faultless, but you shouldn’t start a conversation about that mistake by belittling her.
It’s far more constructive to offer support and understanding in times like these. Mistakes are a part of life, and it’s important to approach them with empathy and a willingness to learn and grow together. That’s what will leave her feeling supported and loved by you.
“Why Can’t You Be More Like [Someone Else]?”
Comparing your wife to someone else, whether it’s a friend, family member, or even a celebrity, is incredibly hurtful. It suggests that she’s simply not good enough and that you wish she were different in some fashion.
It’s important to appreciate and celebrate your wife for who she is rather than comparing her to others. Recognizing and valuing her unique qualities can help build a stronger and more loving relationship. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and it’s essential to focus on the positive aspects of your partner.
Speak It Into Existence
The words we choose can have a profound impact on our relationships, especially a marriage. Careless comments, even when unintentional or accidental, can lead to significant emotional turmoil within your marriage.
Communication has to be open and honest, yes, but it also needs to be mindful, kind, and understanding. Difficult feelings will arise, as will arguments; it’s inevitable, but that’s no excuse to be mean. By building a strong foundation of trust and fully understanding the impact of your words, your relationship will grow stronger, and you’ll both find the right ways to navigate any tough topic.
